Somehow it keeps coming back. Everything I thought that was over for years now. Somehow everything still haunts me. But then again it's not really something that comes around, it's something that resides in me. The self-loathe, the trauma and the after effects. I guess in some way, it never stops... The walls with which I thought I sealed this horror in me somehow has gone fickle. Even the smallest of things provokes it. It's like when she said I had a rough time back then and you decided that it was nothing but myself being a "wuss". I couldn't sleep the following week thinking about how pathetic you must think I am. Thinking about how I let my old self down, that promised that he wouldn't walk down this road again. The old self, that promised he wouldn't care about what people have to say about him. But turns out, it's not that easy... When it's the people you care about, you tend to care about what they think about you too. All of this leading up to hours of irrational thinking and followed by a breakdown. And somehow you have been a way to vent out everything in me. I guess mostly because the conversation is one way and I know at least you won't call me a wuss. Well, I'm still continuing with the putting on a smile thing for now... I'll write to you when I maybe breakdown the next time?
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